FRIDAY NIGHT BEER 514p Jan 24/20
I’m excited it’s Friday night. I even have a little adrenaline rush at the idea that it’s the weekend, and that tomorrow is my one day off. The third day off I’ve had since the start of the year, so I don’t have many of them in a month. I used to LOVE Fridays so much. They meant fun & freedom, playtime for adults. They meant mid-morning conversations about fun foods we would plan to eat for lunch, new places we could adventure out to eat, fun new beers or drinks we would sample with our delicious food. It meant staying in with a fun movie or a few episodes of a tv show we already liked that we knew we would make us laugh a lot. They meant staying up late because Saturday was a day to sleep in and enjoy the morning of laziness that followed the night of fun. There was an energy that would run through my body like electricity as soon as I was finished teaching Friday mornings and my mid-mid-morning workout. I would race home after the workout, shower as fast as I could, get ready with makeup and hair and ‘real’ clothes (no stretchy pants!) for the planned afternoon lunch and drinks lineup. It was bliss.
Now Fridays feel sad when I finish the day and get home. There is loneliness where joy used to be. No plans now, nowhere to be, and even with the excitement of places I could go if I weren’t alone tonight, the reality is that I am home alone and missing both the person I used to spend Fridays with and the new someone I haven’t met yet who will eventually fill my Friday nights with fun and happiness again. I am lonely for both but neither is here.
I am hungry and I want to eat but I don’t want to make anything. The roast chicken in the fridge is reminding me that there is food here, healthy food that I will be glad I ate, but I don’t want to prepare it. It feels even lonelier making dinner for myself with nobody to share it with or talk about it to or plan what else will go with it or how to make it an interesting meal we’ll both enjoy.
I love a Friday night fun cocktail. Driving home I was mulling over my favorite Friday night options in my mind: Whiskey Old Fashioned or Tequila with Ginger and Orange cocktail. But as with the food, the idea of making myself one of these drinks and drinking it alone feels silly. Also, I don’t know how to make an Old Fashioned so that’s out. I don’t have ginger or orange to mix with my tequila. I crave being here with someone who would be interested in crafting me a good Old Fashioned cocktail and proudly bring it to me, making one for each of us to sip and enjoy. But instead tonight I have opened a beer, one I haven’t tried before that has been waiting in the wine fridge for a few months, and I’m here. Typing, writiing, emotionally purging. I have a lot of work-related things I can spend time on tonight but what I want is the mental break, the letting loose and laughter and a good country music dance party in the kitchen, making food together and opening one of the saved bottles of ‘good wine’ I have but will not open to drink alone.
And so another weekend begins. The 15th Friday in a row where this cloud hangs over me.
There have been a few Fridays in there that were occupied with going out with other people or with work things but none have passed without me first thinking about all the things I miss about the Fridays I had.
The next chapter of my life needs to include good times on Fridays. That much remains clear.